It takes questions, lots and lots of questions (and a lot of observation to see if their answers match their character), to expose beliefs and viewpoints in a potential "suitor". Sometimes it's hard to know what questions to ask, especially being a Christian where lots of things come into play when looking for a spouse. As you will see in these questions, the Lord is first and foremost to me and must be to that guy as well. If you aren't looking for a Godly guy (or girl! Some of these questions are for guys to ask, too!), I don't think these questions will come in handy for you. ;) But if you are, please keep reading.
I compiled these slowly over time before ever having a boyfriend, after experiencing a breakup and now again as a single young lady. Going through a relationship myself helped expose some very important questions that might never have occurred to me to ask before. I have tried to think of questions that expose the core beliefs of a young man/woman that will help you see what their spiritual walk, view on relationships, personal character, and lifestyle are like.
You may not need to ask all of these questions if, for example, you have been friends long enough to already know a lot of them but if that's the case, you personally will know what questions to ask.
And beware, questions are not foolproof. You need to dig deeper to find out how a guy/girl's answers to questions line up with their everyday way of living, decisions they make, how they treat people, etc.
Walk With the Lord
- Can you pin-point the exact time when you became a Christian? What changed for you after that?
- How important is prayer?
- Who is your mentor? Do you have a mentor?
- What do you do to continually be growing spiritually? (1 Timothy 4:7-10)
- How important is knowledge and rhetoric in the Christian walk?
- What are your daily personal devotional practices?
- How important is corporate worship? Other participation in church life? What is the proper use of that day? Are you faithful in church attendance?
- How do you view giving tithe to the church? Is that important to you?
- Do you believe in family worship? Does/did your family practice it?
- Do you practice ministry to others? What personal call do you feel God has placed on your life in the area of ministry?
- What has continued to be your greatest weaknesses/spiritual struggles?
- What are your views on birth control? Natural family planning? Contraceptives? Anything at all? Explain.
- What is your view on baptism? Child, adult?
- What is your view on alcohol? Can it be used rightly or should it be abstained of completely?
- Would you ever adopt? Why or why not?
- Do you think coarse joking or cussing is out of place with godly character? (Ephesians 4:5)
- What is your standard of modesty?
- Do you want a big family?
- Do you believe in any form of patriarchy? Explain.
- What is your view on homeschooling? Would you homeschool your children?
- Would you change anything about how you were raised?
- What is your position on sabbatarianism?
- Do you believe in head coverings?
- What is the meaning of submission and headship in the Bible and in marriage?
- What does being a leader mean to you? What do you think leading a family entails?
- How do you handle conflict? Do you avoid confrontation and dealing with issues?
- Who is the main breadwinner?
- Should a wife work outside the home? Would you require her to have a job? Before kids? After kids? With kids at home?
- Should a wife continue to pursue god-honoring dreams or goals after marriage and kids? Explain.
- Are you ready to be a parent?
Commitment to Purity
- How would you handle things if you found yourself in a situation where you were alone with the opposite sex?
- How do you protect the hearts of young women in your friendships with them? How do you practice honoring your future wife? Do you believe it's still important to honor her even in a committed relationship? How would you do that?
- Is it your habit to regularly text/private message young women? What do you think is proper behavior towards a young woman who is just a friend?
- What is your standard on movies/television? Are you careful? Do you sacrifice morality for entertainment? For example, would you go watch a movie at the theater without first checking it out thoroughly?
- What types of physical expressions do you feel is appropriate in a relationship? Have you made mistakes in this area in the past?
- What does purity mean to you?
- Do you believe that friendships with the opposite sex should change after entering a committed relationship? What would have to drastically change for you personally?
- Have you ever struggled with pornography? Is your struggle a current one?
- What does compromise in a relationship mean to you?
Approach To Relationships
- What form of relationship has been your practice in the past? Dating, courtship? Or if you have never been in a relationship, what would you see as a wise and biblical way to approach a relationship? Explain.
- What do you see as the purpose of getting to know a young woman intentionally?
- Who has the role of God-given protector and leadership in a young woman's life?
- Do you see a young woman's, or your own family, as playing an important role in a relationship? How so?
- Do you think accountability and godly advice from others is important? Who would you see that accountability and godly advice coming from? Example: pastors, her father, young friends, older mentors.
- Do you believe in long term relationships, or do you see a courtship/dating relationship lasting only as long as you are both seeking God's leading toward marriage?
- Do you believe that God comes first in courtship/dating and marriage? That all decisions should be based off what is honoring to God? What does the role of honoring God play in your everyday life?
- Would being in the Bible and praying together during courtship/dating be important?
- What has been your previous experience with romance/dating?
- What is your view on "alone time" spent with the person you're courting? Example: Going out together to coffee, dinner, etc.
View of Marriage
- Have you thought seriously about what the meaning of marriage is? Is marriage important to you?
- What does "leave and cleave" mean to you? Are you prepared to put your wife above all others, including your family? Give me an example of what this may look like to you (Genesis 2:24).
- Do you believe marriage is about making yourself happy? Explain what the biblical purpose of marriage is.
- What role would your wife and children play in your life purpose?
- What does the term "help meet" mean to you?
- How important is your career to you? How many hours a week do you work? Does your work sometimes come in conflict with personal time with God? Does your job require travel and if so, how much?
- If relocation were offered to you by your job would you accept? What would weigh in on your decision?
- What are your views on homeschooling? Do you believe it's important, or do you wish for public education for your future children?
- How would those you know well describe your personal character?
- Do you have a teachable spirit?
- What makes you angry?
- Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
- In what ways is self-centeredness expressed in your life?
- Have you ever had to deal with a broken relationship? How did you handle it?
- Do you like reading? What are your three favorite books besides the Bible?
- How do you relate to children? Do you enjoy being around them?
- Are you honest? Even in business? Do you ever slant the truth for your own benefit?
- What tendencies do you have towards prejudice or racism?
- What do you value most highly in life?
- If "your" daughter were marrying "you" what cautions would you have for her?
- Can you describe your life purpose, i.e., how you intend to use your interests, skills and talents to serve and glorify God?
- Where do you see yourself in 10 years, 20 years?
- Recognizing we all have weaknesses, what are one or two areas you think God wants you to work on?
- Do peers play a major role in swaying your decisions? Is peer pressure a major factor? Who are the people you ask advice or wisdom from?
- What are your five strengths?
- What has been the most difficult thing for you to forgive?
What Are You Looking For?
- List the five most important characteristics in a wife (for you personally).
- List the five characteristics that would bother/irritate you in a wife.
- What are your views on health/exercise/eating well?
- What are your expectations of me?
- What interests do you have that would be important for your wife to share or at least join you in?
- What are the "non negotiable" things for you when looking for a spouse?
- What has been the hardest thing you've ever been through?
- What do you want your sons to be like at 18?
- What is currently the biggest thing God is using in your life to sanctify you at this time?
- Is romance important in the everyday life of a couple? How do you keep it alive?
- What is your biggest fear?
- How do you serve your family?
This concludes my "questions for the suitor." I hope you will find these helpful as you seek God's wisdom in your relationships.
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