It goes against everything my flesh wants. This disregarding the tiredness in my body that doesn't want to run to my Savior who I can't immediately feel. I want to listen to all the talk about hopelessness and pain because it feels good to bleed, be angry, become bitter, and make excuse for all the pain. It feels good to feel good for one moment; that feigned power over our own lives, to not care as the car picks up speed under the streetlights because it hurts that much.
We want hope, but when we're past all of the things we were holding on to, without answers, resolutions, or a clear path to take, it feels good to let it bleed. Feels good to embrace the dark. It feels right to let the pain leak out and wallow in our excuses, insecurities, dis-advantages, and all the hurt. This world will tell us that we have rights. The right to be angry, do desperate things, kick it with the dark, have revenge.
Your flesh will tell you to take out your pain like a badge of honor. It'll tell you to lie in the darkness, turn it over in your mind til you're chained to it. But the truth is, the world turns pain to poison. It hardens your heart, turns love to self love.
There's another side to pain when you're in Christ.
To turn my tired eyes above and look at the truth, look at my Savior, make no excuses, is putting to death all the evil inside. In our pool of hurt, let's just whisper to the One who saved our souls. Let's just lift our tired arms and ask to be held. Let the tired aching of our souls be directed heavenward. In the cold room all alone in our heart, let's whisper to our Father. When we've strayed so far from the narrow path, our mistakes piling up, emotion swallowing us, let's ask Him to bring us back. Let's worship Him in it because we know truth, and the truth is that pain is always for our good and His glory.
We know truth, we know light, we know Jesus. In His arms there is safety and deepest comfort for our souls. We need to tell Him all the ugly, the anger, the fear. Don't just whisper to walls, people, ink on paper. Don't pull at that selfish comfort. Our Savior whispers to our souls true comfort because He is the ultimate comforter. He binds up our wounds no matter how jagged, deep, deadly. He heals us and makes us whole again.
So when we think we can't forgive; something they did to us was just too much. When bitterness is oceans deep, dark, and impenetrable. When your mistakes, your sin is ugly and you look in the mirror and see the person you don't want to see, eyes hollow with shame. When you've stayed away from Christ, strayed and backslid. When your family is broken; disadvantaged and dark. When you've lost them; walked out, death took them, just couldn't stay. When you can't see the answer to your prayers for ten long years; hope lost and faith so small. When you're desperately lonely, in the dark, and everyone else seems to be in the light and have their hearts prayer. When you feel like a prisoner of depression and the brightest days can't penetrate the dark. When there are no answers and mornings, afternoon, nights drag long.
You, LORD, are my lamp; the LORD turns my darkness into light. (2 Samuel 22:29)
Believe God's truth. Believe truth when you can't feel it. Walk with Him and hold His hand. Fall into His arms and be held by a perfect Father. You will see your darkness lightened. You will feel the burden fall from your shoulders in front of the Cross. So, don't let the world turn your pain to poison. Dare to pray that God will use your pain for a bigger purpose than you can hope. Dare to pray He'll use it for someone else's good. Dare to pray that he'll turn the pain into strength, because He will.