A lie tells me I will find fullest joy on the other side of whatever the next thing is. These years, off and on, it's been marriage, a happy family, enough money, enough friends.
But with all life's lack and imperfections, God has created joys and beauty. Even in this sin-filled world, we can find contentment. And in those times of rest and Holy Spirit filled clarity, we're able to see the beautiful design with which God has scripted our story, our lives.
Even though I have things I wish would not be, there is a perfect reason in all of it's apparent ugliness. In all of our sin and falling down, the pen of our story is not ripped from our Father's hands. I would not have found fullness had everything been different. Had my family never known the reality of prodigal, had we never witnessed dark years of depression weigh a family member down, or disease that felt hopeless. Had I never made countless mistakes in my search for fulfillment.
If God chooses to answer yes to some of my prayers, there will be great joy, but not perfect joy or unwavering happiness. I only pray that I can learn to have that same great joy in His answers of no or not yet. In all of the days and years that may lie ahead, I have to learn to dance where I am set. In the busy days of work, no time in the morning. The long weeks of mysterious infection, long days in bed. The heart-hurting loss of a friend, misunderstandings. The days of gray, tired, lonely, and worn. Each has been from God's hand and they were not design-less and random. They have all been a part in the story God has woven for me.
May we learn to dance in the now and see the glory of our Father in each of the imperfect days.