Grace For the Girl Who Wants Marriage Too Much

I've been on both sides of the spectrum. 

I wanted marriage too much. 

By too much, I mean that I made it an idol.

 I was the girl that believed all of her hopes, dreams, & longings would be met in the lifelong covenant of marriage. 

I've also been the other girl who turned up her nose at that "poor desperate" girl who seemingly had no other purpose or goal but to get married.  

During each of those instances, those major struggle seasons, there was something else vying to be god of my heart.

I know how it is to swing from one extreme to the other. To put down your friends or acquaintances because you think you've got it all together & to also be on the receiving end of that same judgement.

We want to exude independence. busyness. success. 

But in reality, 

all of our hearts are idol factories & prone to make Jesus second to something else.

The idols just come in different shapes & sizes & categories. 

And before we ever put down those who desire marriage for the wrong reasons, 

let's look at our own lives. 

Just because goals, priorities, pursuits, the things we spend time on over Jesus or before Jesus, are not marriage, does that make them any less an idol?

If our lives, at any time, single or married, are any less than the sold out pursuit of Christ, than we're worshiping something else besides Christ, marriage or not.

We're still looking to that thing, that pursuit, that accomplishment, to be our identity outside of Christ. 

Our lives may look busy & independent & confident but that doesn't mean they're busy with the right things, are dependent on Christ alone, or confident because of Jesus. 


(Note: I want to make it clear that by writing this I am not saying that marriage is a wrong thing to desire. Marriage is a wonderful thing as pointed out in much of Scripture. I am saying that desiring anything more than God, even a good thing, has crossed into idolatry & that's the big difference between desiring & worshiping). 

My friends (you know who are you are, ladies) have been extremely gracious & patient & wonderful as they've often been on the receiving end of my trials & error in figuring out God's heart on purpose and pursuit. 

I've put them on the receiving end of my harsh critique & likewise been on the receiving end of it from others.

I write this in the process of God molding my heart, softening it, & helping me see my own idol prone heart. 

"Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love;...

This hymn has long been one of my favorites & those lyrics my humble admission again and again. 

We're all prone to wander. All prone to leave our gracious Savior and replace it with numerous other loves.

So, lets all give grace & all make sure our pursuit is Jesus. Our confidence is Jesus. Our joy is Jesus. Our identity is Jesus. 

- jenn


©, 2017 Jennifer Langley